Ce riscă mamele de băieți prea severe

Florica ZDRU

Duminică, 18 Mai 2014, 16:56

4349

3 min citire

Ce riscă mamele de băieți prea severe - fond1ceriscamamele-1400421402.jpg

Când mamele care își cresc singure băieții sunt prea autoritare și le atribuie rolul de bărbat al casei, conflictele cu copiii ajung să le concureze pe cele cu fostul soț.

Cu precădere în ultimii ani, tot mai multe femei își asumă rolul de mamă singură, fie ca urmare a divorțului, a decesului partenerului sau pur și simplu a deciziei de a adopta un copil fără a fi căsătorită. Însă, psihologul Speranța Băcana face precizarea că, potrivit statisticilor, majoritatea familiilor monoparentale se datorează divorțului părinților și decesului unui partener. Pe de altă parte, în timp ce bărbații divorțați sau văduvi sunt mai dispuși să se recăsătorească, majoritatea femeilor din acest eșalon preferă să-și crească singure copiii. Iar dacă au băieți și le induc rolul tatălui absent, presiunea exercitată asupra copiilor le va da sentimentul că nu pot să facă față tuturor exigențelor și cerințelor.

Excesele dăunează grav… familiei!

Mama unui băiat de 15 ani a ajuns la concluzia că excesele "educative" afectează relațiile din familie: "Îmi cresc singură băiatul de când avea patru ani. De mic îi ziceam că el e bărbatul casei, l-am ținut mereu din scurt… În loc să se joace și să facă lucruri ca orice copil, el trebuia să fie umbra fostului soț și să aibă prieteni puțini, dar neapărat mai mari ca el. Când era mai mic, se bucura că e comparat cu un om mare, acum nu-i mai convine... nu mai vrea să respecte regulile fără comentarii. Mă cert cu el cum mă certam cu taică-su, cu toate că e un copil, până la urmă. S-a cam închis în el și mi-e frică să nu plece de acasă, văd că e moda asta printre adolescenți!".

Îmbolnăviri și răbufniri

Autoritatea exagerată și împovărarea cu obligații peste vârsta lor va crea asupra copiilor presiuni atât de mari, încât îi va afecta emoțional. Paradoxal este că oricât de afectați ar fi de acest tratament, copiii se vor dovedi inca-pabili să-și exprime resentimentele față de rolul care le este atribuit în familie. Însă, cum toate au o limită, ei riscă, la un moment dat "numeroase îmbolnăviri psihosomatice și comportamente explozive, ca semnal al numărului mare de griji și temeri. Apoi, ajunși la vârsta adolescenței, vor avea mari probleme în asumarea identității" – completează psihologul, care face câteva recomandări mamelor singure de băieți, astfel încât ei să devină adulți echilibrați și nu frustrați.

Fără formule gen "bărbatul casei"! Împovărați cu obligații peste vârsta lor și ținuți permanent din scurt, presiunea prea mare le poate inhiba personalitatea și le va da un sentiment de neputință. Așadar, trebuie lăsați să-și trăiască copilăria și să se implice în probleme destinate oamenilor maturi din proprie inițiativă. Nu trebuie asociați cu eșecul sentimental al mamei. Dimpotrivă, i-ar ajuta să audă că ei sunt rodul minunat al dragostei părinților. Apoi, este vital să li se ofere o perspectivă cât mai realistă asupra vieții, să știe adevărul despre tata, să nu Ii se dea de înțeles că mama detestă bărbații din cauza eșecului în căsnicie. De mare folos pentru atenuarea presiunii poate fi și înscrierea într-un club sportiv (de fotbal sau de karate, astfel încât să învețe rapid ritualuri de relaționare tipic masculine), dar și socializarea cu alți băieți de vârsta lor, pe care mama să-i cunoască. Tratați mai relaxat de mamă, copiii se vor putea comporta potrivit vârstei, astfel încât să nu mai fie obligați să intre în pielea tatălui absent.

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